Growing Up
by ryan.baro99
Summary: After Emily's mother finds out about her relationship with Spencer, she kicks Emily out. Whilst Spencer tries to be there for her girlfriend, Hanna supports the couple as much as she can. But soon, new problems will present themselves and the girls will have to be stronger than ever before. TW: Homophobia, Self Harm, (later) Mental Illness (OCD)


Hanna and Emily were sitting in Emily's room: Hanna in front of the window, looking through a magazine, and Emily on her bed, reading something in her history book.

Hanna looked over to Emily: "I hate Fridays. I used to love them, because technically it's the beginning of the weekend, but since we have PE on Fridays it's just turture. My legs are still hurting from all the running."

"Yeah. Mine aren't hurting, but I hate ", Emily agreed looking up to Hanna.

"Are you still up to the sleepover tonight at my place?"

"Yeah. Will Spencecome too?"

"Yeah, but she said she still has this essay thing, so she'll be late..."

The girls heard something downstairs and were confused as they thought they had been alone.

Emily answered Hanna's questioning look: "My mom seems to be home early."

"So I'll probably be convinced into eating with you guys...", Hanna said and they both laughed.

The door of Emily's room opened and Misses Fields stood in front of Emily and looked angry. She shortly looked over to Hanna, but focused on Emily again: "Where you two having sex as well? Before I came home?"

Hanna was just as confused as Emily and tried hard not to laugh as Emily answered: "What are you talking about mom? Hanna and I were just hanging out."

"I'm talking about the fact, that Veronica Hastings and I met at the supermarket and she told me that she was so happy that Spencer told her that she would be bisexual. And she told me that you and Spencer are having a sexual relationship. Is that true?" Hanna was even more confused than before and didn't know what to do as Emily started sobbing.

"Is that true?", Mrs. Fields repeated eagerly.

"It is true. I'm in love with Spencer."

"How can you say that? Did you forget what your father and I did for you and what we taught you? Don't you realize what you are doing to this family? You are ruining your life and you are ruining our family!", Pamela Fields was yelling at Emily, who was sitting on her bed crying, "You can't destroy our life just because you want attention or experiment."

"It's not an experiment. I am gay. And I always have been and always will be."

"Even if that was true, you wouldn't have to tell everyone. You could live a happy life with a husband and a house and kids."

"I wouldn't be happy. I never was. Everyday I was hiding who I was, because I was afraid that you would react this way, that other people react this way."

"There is a reason I react like this. I wouldn't be happy about you stealing a car or killing someone or dating a criminal."

Emily just stared at her mother and suddenly realized, that Hanna stood up from the window seat and sat down next to her, rubbing her back: "Emily hasn't done anything wrong. You are the one doing wrong."

"I don't wanna see you two here, in this house, ever again. Not as long as you don't understand that you made a mistake, and until you can swear that you will never say these words again."

It was silent. Misses Fields threw down a trophy from the cupboard.

"I said, go! And don't consider yourself a member of this family any longer!"

Hanna stood up: "You can't do this!"

"This is my house and I can do whatever I want. Out! Now!"

Hanna was unsure of what to do to help her best friend. She just grabbed her bag, took Emily's phone and helped Emily get up. Emily was sobbing while Hanna walked her out of the house. They sat down in Hanna's car and she drove about ten minutes until she parkes the car in some street. Emily had stopped crying and Hanna unbuckeld her seat belt and looked at Emily.

"I'm so sorry. I ... ", Hanna didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry we didn't tell you."

"It's okay."

"Are you mad?"

"At you? No. But I'm mad at your mother. She had no right to say these things."

It was silent again. Hanna held Emily's hand, wanting to make her feel better.

"For how long have you and Spence been together?"

Emily stared at her feet.

"Em?"

"Six months."

Hanna was shocked: "For half a year? Why did you never tell me? Did you think I would be an asshole about it? Is that the way you see me? A judemental bitch?" Hanna wanted to apologize as she realized how harsh her words had been but Emily cut her off: "No. I was scared of my parents. And if anyone knew, the chance of them finding out would be higher. I'm sorry."

"So nobody exept for Spencer's mom, your mom and me knows?"

Emily nodded: "But we won't hide anymore. The only reason we did was my parents."

Hanna was angry, that her friend had to go through this while she couldn't do anything to help.

"My mom's not home for a few days, so you can stay at mine until we find a solution."

"Thanks."

It was silent, again. Hanna decided that it was the right time for the questions she had developed during the previous twenty minutes.

"How did Spencer and you come together? I mean... how did you figure out, that you like eacheother?"

Emily looked up again: "We had a fight. She knew something was up and didn't stop asking me about it. I told her to mind her own buisness and she said, that I am her buisness and that it would kill her seeing me sad because she loves me. She kissed me."

Hanna smiled: "I never knew that Spence could be so romantic."

"Tell me about it. I was so happy. I still am."

"Is the fact that you're gay... is it the reason you self harmed?"

Emily was taken back by Hanna's direct question, but knew that it was typical for her friend to do so.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked."

"I started cutting before we got together and I stopped after we've started dating."

"I know, but did you cut, because..."

"Because I'm gay? Yeah. ... I hated myself for it. For not being able to just become straight."

"When we asked you why you did it, you could've told us the truth, you know. We were worried. I was worried. And you could've told me."

"It's easier said than done. Now, I know that I could've told you, but back then I was a different person. I hated myself and I was asshamed."

"I guess. I just want you to know, that I don't care. It doesn't change anything for me. Well, exept for the fact that I will destroy anyone who makes an ignorant comment about you and Spence."

"Thanks."

"For what? Being a decent human being?... I'm just sorry about you're mom. Especially since your father just ... passed away."

"I didn't even have the chance to tell him who i am. Even though he'd probably reacted like my mom, but ..."

There was another hug.

"He would want you to be happy."

They parted, but Hanna continued to hold Emily's Hand.

* * *

[Hasting's kitchen/living room]

Spencer was sitting at the counter as her mom came in with a bag full of groceries, which she immediatly layed down on the counter.

"What is going on mom?", Spencer asked as she noticed the worried look in Veronica's face.

"I may or may not have done something very stupid, honey."

"What are you talking about?"

" I met Mrs. Fields at the super market and ... I mentioned your relationship with Emily."

"You told her that we're a couple?", Spencer asked, now standing up.

"Yes, and she seemed surprised and angry, which made me directly regret that decision."

"Oh my god, mom, how could you tell the most religious and conservative person on this earth, that her daughter is in a relationship with a girl?"

"I just thought Emily might have already told her... I'm sorry Spencer"

"I need to go to Emily, now.", Spencer said, running out of her house.

On the way to Emily's house she saw her girlfriend sitting in Hanna's car, which was parked in a small street near The Brew.

Spencer parked her car and walked towards Hanna's. As the girls saw Spencer approaching, Emily opened the car door and kissed and hugged Spencer. While they were hugging, Emily started crying and Spencer feared, that her worst night mare had come true.

"My mom found out, Spence...she kicked me out."

"Shhh...it's gonna be okay, Em. I love you."

"I love you too"

Hanna stood up and approached the couple, who parted.

She hugged Spencer and explained: "I was there when Mrs. Fields came home and confronted her and kicked her out. I drove her and she told me about you guys."

Spencer nodded and gave Hanna a thanking look and Hanna just nooded in understanding.

Spencer began talking again: "Em, my mom will understand if you need a place to stay. I'm sure she'll agree on you staying in the barn with me."

"Spence..."

"No, really...", Spencer fought back and kissed Emily, shutting her up.

"You two are adorable.", Hanna commented leaving the girls chuckling.

"Can we sleep over at my house tonight...my mom's in NY, so...", Hanna asked.

"Sure, Em, do you have some stuff with you?", Spencer was very careful not to make Emily upset again.

"Yeah, I have some clothes in my bag in Han's car."

"Great. Meet at yours?", Spencer asked Hanna, who nodded and went back to her car. Before Emily followed, she kissed Spencer, who then went to her Mustang to drive off.

* * *

The girls had their sleepover at Hanna's: They ordered pizza, watched two horror movies and went to bed earlier than normally. Emily was already asleep as Spencer was in the Marin's kitchen. She sat on the counter and drank a glass of water, while looking at the clock next to the door: 2am. After a short while she heard steps and saw Hanna in her pyjama coming into the kitchen:"Hey"

Spencer just nodded and Hanna sat down next to her.

"Can't sleep?", Hanna asked. Spencer nodded.

"Me too.", Hanna said looking at her friend, "Everytime I close my eyes I see yelling and when I open my eyes I see Emily...and I don't know what to do to help her."

Spencer heard Hanna's voice crack and swallowed: "I...all those months I wished she'd just tell her mother and we could walk down the street holding hands and I wouldn't have to watch her go to prom with some boy her mother approves of and I gave her so much time and I understood that she needed that, but there was a part of me that wanted her to come out as soon as possible. And now...now I wish she would've had more time."

Hanna saw tears coming out of Spencer's eyes and started tearing up as well:" Spence, you're not a bad girlfriend for wanting to hold Em's hand in public, okay? You waited. And what happened doesn't change the fact, that you never pushed her to come out. Her mom's reaction wouldn't have been any different, if she came out later."

"I guess so... Han, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. About me, I mean... When I realized that I'm not straight, I wanted to tell you."

Hanna frowned: "Ok...?"

"Remember the last sleepover during summer break?", Spencer waited for Hanna to nod and continued, "We were watching TV, it was late, Em was already asleep...I wanted to tell you, you know, come out. But then this gay couple was kissing on TV as you came back into the room and I was so scared that you'd think that I get off seeing that or that I switched to this particular channel because I'm queer... I know this doesn't make any sense, but I just wanted to seem straight, so I made this comment."

Hanna was still confused.

"I... I said something like 'This is so gross, there're homos kissing everywhere on TV these days'."

Suddenly Hanna remembered: "Yeah. I was so weirded out by your comment. I always thought you'd be liberal."

"And you said 'I guess so'. And even though that wasn't really homophobic, I just... I was hoping for a huge moral speech against my ignorant comment, but..."

"Spence, you know I'm totally fine you being bi and Em being gay, right? Hell, I was asked if I'd be interested in creating a GSA-club in school after I helped with this pride project last summer."

Spencer interrupted her: "No, I know, I... Ijust wanted to tell you why I didn't come out. And I don't even think it had as much to do with you as it had with me not being ready."

"And that's okay... I just want you to know that I'll be here. For both of you."

After a hug Hanna spoke up again: "this evening I... I put all razors out of the bathroom and I..." Spencer knew where this was going: "She's not gonna hurt herself again."

"I know, it's just that I don't even know how to deal with this and I can't even imagine how she must feel, and I just wanted to make sure, that she's safe."

"I'll talk to my mom tomorrow. Since she is, at least indirectly, the reason for all of this happening, I don't think she'll mind if Em moved into the barn with me."

"Okay..."

Emily woke up up on a matress on the floor in Hanna's room. As she opened her eyes she saw Hanna asleep in her bed. Emily quietly left the room, closed the door behind her and went downstairs, where the smell of coffee greated her. At the kitchen counter stood Spencer in a large shirt and shorts with her hair messily tied together and Emily wrapped her arms around her girlfriend and kissed her neck: "I love you."

"I love you too.", Spencer said turning around, "How've you slept?"

"Good, until you stopped hugging me and got up." Both girls chuckled.

"I'm sorry, but I had to get some coffee...do you want some?", Spencer asked while turning around and filling her cup with coffee.

"No, thanks. I'm good."

The brunette turned around again. After a short amount of silence, Spencer started talking again: "Do you...dou you wanna talk about what happened yesterday?"

Emily broke eye contact with Spencer, who grabbed her girlfriend's hand. "There's not much to talk about: Han and I were chatting on my bed, my mom stormed upstairs, accusing us of having sex...and then she told me that she found out about you and me at the mall and she started yelling stuff and I... I broke down, told her that I am gay and that that won't change and she continued yelling and kicked me out. Han tried to calm her down and yelled back at her, but it didn't change anything. Next thing I know is sitting next to Hanna in her car, telling her about our relationship." Spencer started tearing up: "I'm so sorry... If I hadn't told my mom on Monday already..."

Emily cut her off: "No, Spence. It's not your fault and neither is it your mom's. Yes, I am upset that my mother hates me and that I got kicked out for being myself. But, even though I guess it must sound stupid, for the most part I am relieved and happy and ... I am just so tired of hiding and sneeking around and now I can finally to just be with you and not feel wrong or asshamed all the time."

"It's not stupid at all." Spencer kissed Emily, who deepened the kiss.

After the two parted, Spencer put a strain of Emily's dark hair behind her ear: "I'll ask my mom, if you can live in the barn with me...if that's what you want."

"You're asking me to move in with you?" They both laughed.

"I guess."

"And you think your mom won't have a problem with her teenage daughter and her girlfriend living in the barn. Alone. ?"

"No."

"And she won't be worried, that we'll sooner or later..."

Spencer interrupted: "Have sex? No. My mom actually talked with me about it after I came out to her."

"She asked you, if we have sex or how we have sex?" Spencer laughed at Emily's shocked expression.

"She knows how two people with vaginas have sex...she's not dumb...no, she asked me, if we're sexually active."

"And you told her what?"

"The truth."

"And she..."

"And she didn't care. She told me to not do anything I'm not comfortable with, told me about consent and all of that and we had the queer version of 'the talk'."

Emily smiled: "I love your mom...I just never thought you and your mom were as close."

"Oh, we're very different personality wise, but I'd say we're pretty close, even though she's not home as often."

* * *

It was Saturday afternoon, when Spencer drove home. She knew her mother was home and headed stright into her office to talk to her.

"Hi mom", she said sitting down the sofa in Veronica's office.

"Hi honey, is everything alright?", her mother asked. She stood next to Spencer and had just put a book back into the shelf.

"Not really, no. I wanted to talk to you." Veronica looked worried and shocked and sat down next to her daughter, grabbing her hand.

"Is this about Emily? Because I'm so sorry for telling Pam about you..."

Spencer cut her mother off: "Mom, that's okay. It's not your fault. But her mother wasn't thrilled about it. She said some very bad things and kicked her out. Hanna was there when it happened at she took care of Em. I found them in Hannas car on my way over. Em's a complete mess and..."

Spencer stopped rambling as her mother forced her into a hug: "I'm so sorry. You shouln't have to deal with that. If you want me to, I can talk to Pam."

They parted. "Mom, I don't think that'd be a good idea."

"Well, if there is anything we can do to help Emily, just tell me, okay honey?"

Spencer nodded: "Actually, ... I... I wanted to ask you, if... since Em got kicked out... would it be okay with you, if she moved into the barn with me?"

Veronica looked surprised: "You want to move in with your girlfriend at the age of seventeen. Don't you think that's a little young?"

"It's not even about the moving in together part, it's more about the fact, that Em would be homeless." Spencer looked down after realizing how serious her girlfriend's situation was.

"It's okay. Emily can move into the barn."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am.", Veronica said, hugging her daughter again.

The two heard the front door shut and a few seconds later Melissa was standing in the office.

"Hey, mom! Hi Spencer!", she said and Veronica and Spencer both stood up greeting Melissa.

After a few minutes, Veronica was called by a judge and Spencer went into the barn in her room.

Not much later, Melissa decided to follow Spencer to see how the barn turned out after not having seen it for the last month. As she entered the barn, she heard her sister crying and went o her room to find Spencer rolled up in her bed.

"Spence, what is going on... is it so bad that I'm back home for a few weeks?", Melissa joked, but when Spencer didn't move or respond at all, she was concerned at sat down on the bed, rubbing her sister's back.

"Spencer, what is going on? You can talk to me, you know...is it about Toby...is he still together with Lillian?"

Spencer sat up and looked at her sister: "I don't care about him. I never did. It was just you, trying to find out who I'm in love with."

"Who is it then?", Melissa carefully asked looking into Spencer's teary eyes.

"Melissa, I never told you this and until recently I told nobody...but... I'm bisexual.", Spencer looked down.

Melissa looked at her sister, waiting for her to look back.

"Okay." Now Spencer looked at her: "Okay" They both smiled for a moment until Spencer thought about Emily.

"So, is there still somebody you are crying over?"

"No. It's not like that."

"Then, what is it? Are you afraid of telling mom and dad, cause you don't have..."

Spencer cut her off: "I already told'em. Last weekend, I told them both. And I also told them, that I am daiting Emily."

Melissa couldn't help but smile: "That's great Spence. You fit perfectly together. For how long have you been daiting?"

"Six months."

Melissa looked confused: "Six months? Why did you never talk to me about it. You know, that Ethan's gay and he always has been and still is my best friend. So you know, that I'm not one bit homophobic, right?"

"Yeah. But ... I was trying to protect Em... As I said, I told mom and dad and they were completly fine with it. And then mom met Pam at Target and she told her about us, it was an accident, but still... and then Pam went home and said horrible things to Emily and Hanna was there as well. She was trying to calm Pam down, but she threw down one of Em's trophys and kicked her out. Mom told me about the encounter with Pam at Target and I immediatly drove off to Em's house. On my way, I saw Hanna's car parked in a small street. Han and Em were in there, talking. And then we spent the night at Hanna's. And now Emily is homeless. But mom just told me, that she can move in here."

Melissa just pulled her sister into a hug: "I'm sorry...it's not fair."

"I know."

"Are you okay?"

"I don't know... I don't think so...But I don't want to ruin your time here, so..."

This time Spencer was cut off: "You're not ruining anything. I mean... I had a break down in High School, when my boyfriend's mother didn't like me, but this... no teenager should have to deal with this. God, I'm so angry... why do people think, that there is a wrong way to love? I just... Why is it so important which gender someone has? Why do they look at people as walking genetalia?"

"It's okay, Melissa. It's not worth it. There're bigots everywhere. That's just the way it is."

"Yeah, but you shouldn't get used to that. It's not right and ..."

Spencer stood up and went out. She heard Melissa getting up and asking her what's wrong, but Spencer just kept walking, until she was in the woods at the lake.

* * *

After at least half an hour, she heard footsteps behind her and without looking up, she knew Hanna was sitting down next to her on the bench. "Melissa was worried.", Hanna said, looking at the lake. "I know."

"Spence, it's okay to be upset."

"I just wanna be there for Em."

"And you are. But we both know that you have to take care of yourself before you can help others."

"How did you get so smart?"

"I had a great teacher.", Hanna said and the girls both chuckled.

"Is she at yours?", Spencer asked, finally looking at the blonde.

"Yeah. She's watching Netflix, waiting for you."

"You left her alone?", Spencer said, seriously.

"Melissa called me. She was worried and almost crying and was desperate for me to find you. I promised her to talk to you."

"You should talk to Em, not me."

"Spence, this isn't just about Em. Yes, she's a mess right now and we need to be there for her, but neither of us can do that, without being okay ourselves first. Hell, I'm a mess. And I know you're too. So, please, don't shut us all off."

"It hurts so much.", Spencer started sobbing as Hanna arms pulled her tighly to her chest: "I know."


End file.
